Monday, April 11, 2011

Do you have a band-aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you

Seduction is a battlefield. You are armed and ready with your armor, heavy duty gun and helmet. Yet, you can never beat a grenade. You will always be shot down in a blaze of glory. Guaranteed. I am not actually talking about war; I am talking about the dance floor. Many of you have been in the awkward situation where you are creepily approached by some random person. If you are one of the lucky few that have not been approached, then let me set the scene:

You are at a steamy new club in the center of town

You are hanging with three of your closest friends

You have been dancing with your friends having a great time

There is an awkward silence and sudden pause in the music

From the corner of your eye you see a man/woman eyeing you from the dance floor

He/she has a creepy gleam in their eye and you know they are going to approach you

You try to make a quick getaway, but they dance floor is so crowded there is no way of escaping

You are trapped! If only there were ways to teleport (hmmmm…)

Well, somehow this person uses his ninja like abilities to maneuver the crowd and is standing right in front of you.

*awkward pause*

*Insert ridiculous pick up line here*

So picture yourself in this situation. What would you do? For me, it all depends on the individual and the line being utilized. Some are so ridiculous they are hysterical and I would give mad props to the person for actually having the courage to say that to a human being. Some are just completely obnoxious and say that the person is a complete jerk. And there are many that don’t make any sense what so ever. They are completely idiotic and random.

I have never been picked up using a ridiculous pick up line, but I am sure there are many people out there that have been. I don’t understand the appeal of them or why anybody would think they would actually work. Many lines are just outright disgusting. I will refrain from writing any of those on here just for decency and in hopes of keeping your minds clean.

On a quest to find completely obnoxious and random pickup lines I stumbled upon a website that provided hundreds of lines divided in to separate categories: straight to the point, innuendo, cheesy, What?, flattery, just plain lame, beavis and butthead, personal favorites, and left field. I found these categories to be very appropriate and quite hilarious.

For your enjoyment I decided to provide you with a few of my favorites. And btw I didn’t make these up. They have actually been used...I can only imagine the people that were saying these.

Here are my top picks for the most ridiculous:

5. I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate

4. Wow, your eyebrows are thick

3. I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside.

2. I once knew a squirrel named Marvin. God your hot. Marvin is in Africa now.

1.The winner of the most ridiculous pick-up line is:

If you were suddenly transported to the sun because of an evil scheme devised by an evil Russian chicken and asked to take off your clothes and make love to the burning flames and then recite the presidents in alphabetical order by their middle name while juggling 11 midgets holding soda cans between your two front teeth that will be operated on by 86 evil Czechoslovakian dentists named Farkus who got their degrees studying the taste buds of Tom Selleck at a college named after some guy who wasted away his life by eating pork grinds naked in his mom's basement while searching for pictures of Kirsten Dunst to use for purposes that cannot be explained by the 1972 Junior High class of some school that no one cares about in Eastern Idaho where woodland creatures choose to spend their lives trying to recreate some bad 1940's soap opera instead of frolicking happily in the woods, would you prefer chocolate ice cream or vanilla?

Not only are these lines completely absurd they don’t even make sense! Honestly if you are that desperate to use a line like that you don’t deserve to get anybody. I am sorry but it is true.

Do not use corny pickup lines. Thank you.

If you want any more enjoyment visit this website:

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Fashions I Wish I Could Forget

I am going to take quick break from my city reviews and discuss my views on fashion. Specifically, bad fashion. For this blog post, I browsed the internet looking for blogs to respond to. I found a blog talking about great fashions, so I decided to take the opposite approach.
There are two fashions I absolutely despise and they are: leggings and booty shorts.

I like leggings. I don’t mind wearing them with a long sweater dress or shirt but when the shirt starts going above the butt then you have got some issues. I would like to know when leggings became pants and who started this awful trend. Leggings are just thicker versions of tights and you don’t see people walking around in just tights now do you? I truly do love seeing every crevasse and fat roll as someone walks down the street (Sarcasm). I really would like keep my appetite, thank you. Please if you are going to wear leggings, wear a shirt that covers your butt. Some things are just not meant to be seen.

Booty shorts are not flattering. Anybody who thinks otherwise is truly disturbed. Shorts that ride up your butt and pretty much look like they are painted are no way near attractive. Girls learn to cover your butt pleaseeeeeee! No one wants to see that! Trust me! You just look trashy.

Well that is my two cents on fashion. Take the advice or leave it. It is your reputation to uphold.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy Oi Oi Oi

After writing a post about NYC, I have decided to write reviews on all the cities I have travelled to. Well maybe not all of the cities, but the most interesting ones. I will start off with the place I have most recently travelled to and that is Sydney, Australia. Although I have been to several cities in Australia, I will just focus on one.

I have been to many different countries and cities but I have always dreamed of travelling to the other side of the world. I didn’t exactly think about the 24 hours travelling time, I guess I thought teleportation was actually possible. Um, teleportation does not exist, surprising I know. This means I had to endure a long painful trip, but hey, I was going to the land down under!

If you are not willing to sit on a plane for at least 20 hours, then forget it. Australia is however, a magnificent place and I recommend popping some pills and dragging yourself onto that plane. I mean who wouldn’t want to hear Australian accents all day? Well, I would anyway.

My first stop in my foreign adventures was Sydney Airport. Exciting I know! It was surprisingly easy to get around Sydney. I was able to take to a train directly to Circular Quay which is where my hotel and many other tourist attractions are located. This is the location of the Sydney Opera House, The Rocks (really expensive shopping), ferry dock, and the Sydney Bridge.

One of my most memorable experiences from Sydney is the Sydney Bridge Climb. As you guessed it, you climb a bridge! The bridge is right above the Sydney Harbour which overlooks the rocks, Circular Quay and the Sydney Opera House. The views are definitely breathtaking but will cost you. You are able to choose the time of your climb, the most popular and most expensive being sunset and dawn. I chose to do the night climb, mostly to avoid the scorching sun, plus I really wanted to wear a ridiculous headlamp. In order to climb you need to go through several steps, one being a breathalyzer. I am not exactly sure why everyone needed a breathalyzer, especially the 11 year old girl but I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry. After spending about an hour going through the briefing process and getting our sexy jumpsuits, we headed to our climb. Before arriving to the top we needed to climb several ladders and squeeze our bodies through extremely tight spaces. I am extremely glad that I am reasonably sized because I didn’t really plan on spending my night attached to a bridge. After climbing what seemed to be a million stairs, I arrived at the top. It was truly breathtaking.

I have way too much to say about this city, but I will shorten it a little. There are many wildlife exhibits in the city. I went to the Sydney Aquarium as well as the Sydney Wildlife World. As you might have guessed it the aquarium contained water creatures! The most interesting thing I saw there was a platypus! I had never actually seen one of these and they were definitely interesting creatures. Wildlife World was right next to the aquarium in Darling Harbour and contained animals native to Australia. I bet when you think of Australia you think of kangaroos and koalas. Yes, there are a lot of these there. Well not in Sydney but in the country. I was able to meet a kangaroo; they are actually amazing creatures. They are surprisingly friendly and quite smart. If I was to steal anything from Australia it would definitely be a kangaroo. I don’t think they have anything in the rule book about keeping kangaroos in your dorm, so I think I will be okay.

Don’t forget to visit the Botanical Gardens and Sydney Opera House, although important to Australia they are not my number one priority but definitely a must. I could probably go on and on about the wonders and amazing attractions in Sydney but you are most likely too jealous to continue reading. I still need to talk about Melbourne and Tasmania, but I will save that for another time.

My words of wisdom: visit Australia, buy an aisle seat on the plane, and save your money!

Monday, February 21, 2011

City Lights and Amazing Sights

After reading several blogs I wasnt very inspired; nothing caught my eye or connected to my interests. Feeling very discouraged and rather bored I came across a blog post about New York City. New York City is one of the most interesting cities I have ever been to and is probably one of my favorite places to go.

As a Long Islander, I am only an hour away from the city. I am undoubtedly a city girl at heart. I have seen over 45 Broadway shows, been to almost every major tourist attraction, travelled on hundreds of subway cars, and eaten in many amazing restaurants. There is so much to love about NYC it’s hard to describe in just a few pages. I think I am going to focus on the things that I find most intriguing about the “city of lights”: Serendipity 3, Broadway shows, and shopping!

Have you ever heard of a frozen hot chocolate? Yes, that is an oxymoron. Yes, that does exist. Where do you ask is this godly creation? Serendipity 3 on 60th Street. This awfully small restaurant hidden behind massive amounts of people is definitely worth the three hour long waits. Known for its $1000 Golden Opulence Sundae, this restaurant also serves delectable desserts at reasonable prices. All desserts are largely portioned and can definitely cause a person to go up a notch or two on their belt. I suggest wearing your drawstring sweatpants to fit all the food you will devour in this place. This, however, is not only a dessert place; you can gorge yourself with all types of food: burgers, sandwiches, salads, pastas, and omelets. But before you die you must have the frozen hot chocolate. This is by far the most amazing creation ever with its incredible texture and taste. If you are willing to wait several hours for table in a cramped restaurant, do it. If you would like to wait only a few minutes, make a reservation a few days in advance. I highly recommend visiting this restaurant, not only is the food exquisite but the atmosphere is eclectic and unique.

So before I start drooling over the thought of food, I will change the topic. There is one thing in NYC that I know quite a bit about and that is Broadway shows. The first Broadway show I ever saw was Riverdance when I was 5. My grandma has some sort of Broadway addiction. She is literally obsessed with spending all of her money on tickets. She is the cause of my Broadway obsession. Ever since I saw Riverdance I have been on a never ending Broadway binge. In total, I have seen 49 Broadway shows and numerous off-broadway productions. I have sat in both the best seats and the worst and have watched amazing and terrible shows. There are no words to describe the awe you are put in after watching a mind blowing performance. One of my favorite shows is Billy Elliot. I have seen that 3 times, once in London and twice in NYC. I literally walked through a blizzard to see that show because it is that amazing. I am forever addicted to musical productions and dance and will probably spend way too much money on Broadway shows in the future.

In addition to the Broadway shows, NYC is known for shopping. As a girl who absolutely loves shopping, New York is heaven for finding the perfect pair of shoes or the perfect outfit. This city is home to the biggest Macy’s in the world. It is extremely overwhelming yet beautiful. There are floors and floors of clothes, extensive amounts of shoes, cosmetics, and accessories. It is definitely a girl’s favorite plus-minus the prices. A store that is less over whelming and cheaper is Forever 21. Right in the center of Times Square is a four story store with endless amount of clothes. In addition to the department stores, there are millions of unique shops and boutiques. New York City is a girl’s paradise.

From the opinion of a girl who has been to numerous cities around the world, NYC is definitely unique. Its busy streets, unique shops, and different people provide the city with a culture like no other.

If you have not already visited NYC, do it!

Add this to your bucket list.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Valentines Day

I am not a heartbroken soul, but currently in a happy relationship. I just needed to make that clear before I begin to write this.

In lue of the upcoming “holiday”, I have decided to side with all of the single ladies out there and bash Valentines Day.

Its not that I don’t like Valentines Day, actually, I quite enjoy it. As a candy lover, I fully enjoy devouring endless boxes of chocolate and candy hearts, rotting my teeth and fattening my body. I enjoy walking through a department store and seeing red hearts, velvet and naked babies with wings.

Valentines is named after early Christian martyrs named Valentine. In the middle ages, this “holiday” became associated with love after the tradition of chivalry developed. Today, Valentines Day is day when loved ones exchange gestures of love through cards and gifts.

Valentines Day cards have become extremely popular. Couples have begun to express their love through generic sayings such as; “Roses are red, violets are blue, your eyes are green, and I love you”. Honestly, that card doesn’t say I love you. Where is the emotion and true love?

“The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas.”

February 14th has turned into a hallmark holiday rather than a holiday for love. Lovers focus more on material goods and gifts. Don’t get me wrong, there are still romantics out there who will take their significant other to a romantic dinner, however, the numbers are getting fewer.

I am not a person to hate on expressing love and emotion, but I don’t believe that love needs to be celebrated one day a year. It should be celebrated every day.

Monday, February 23, 2009